For my one-word prompt of the day, I picked Recovery. Mostly because I want to have complete recovery from all drugs, which includes alcohol, and is what I’m having the most problem with right now. I think it’s because it’s the only thing I can legally do without losing anyone or everything. I honestly wish I could just walk away from everything because I hate being an addict and having an addiction. I never want to lose the life I have now with the man I love about to get out and he tells me how much he’s proud of me every day and every night. With everything I have been doing and keeping up with all the bills and taking care of him and supporting him and myself, and trying to start a business and work for the best boss I have ever had. Who just recently told me that since my fiancé does HVAC and appliances, when he gets out, my boss is going to expand her business to where she can have my fiancé a job as soon as he gets out. She will put him right to work and put him on my crew with me and Destiny. My fiancé, Shawn, is my only support system that’s up my ass and is very hard on me so I don’t relapse. After losing him, I’m not going to lie I relapsed a month after him leaving me alone to take care of everything on my own. I just lost it completely. I feel apart because he wasn’t here to help me stay sober. I tried NA Meetings and tried a sponsor, but the person that was my sponsor flaked on me and turned on me and left me. I completely fell after that and started drinking everyday again. It’s so hard to stay sober anymore. I just wish Shawn was out so I could have my support system back. I miss him so much. When I have him in my life and I feel like I could really success at Recovery. I will say this, Recovery is something that you have to be really strong mentally and be really strong-willed. I have been working on myself a little bit each and every day and I’m going to work on my Recovery Workbook each day. I will answer at least one question out of my recovery book each day. And each day I will make sure I do one thing that makes me feel happy or joyful. And I will write about it on here and in my journal. I really pray that the Lord will not take Shawn away from me ever again and we will grow old together and hopefully die old and gray together. He’s going to propose when he gets out the right way. My mother just told me, she is going to give Shawn and me Hers’ and dads’ wedding ring set and engagement ring and the engagement ring is a one full carat diamond white gold ring. Plus the wedding bands match and I want to get them engraved on the inside of the wedding bands something special and engrave our names on the outside with our wedding date engraved on it between our names. Honestly, Shawn is the only way I will make it in recovery. Lord, please let me make it at least until he gets out, so I can make it in recovery and him by my side Lord. Thank you, Lord, for having Shawn pull into my driveway the evening I got back from picking up my son from his grandma’s house. Shawn is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I never want to lose him, Lord. I pray that I can get this house cleaned and organized before he gets released.

Destiny is a good that posted on Facebook as her last hope, and she was begging for someone to just help her find a job. Something told me, which I believe was the Lord, that I had to help her instantly get a job with my boss. Which I told her what I did, and she said yes, she would love the job like that. I told her if she got the job, I would come pick her up every day and drop her off each evening. If she needs help with food or clothes, then I would help her with them, or if she needs advice, I’d gladly offer it. But only thing I can’t help her with is a place to live. I have been showing up at her place 15 minutes early because she doesn’t answer until 5 minutes before I get there and then she’s rushing and I’m stuck waiting longer for her to get ready. After, 4 days of working with Destiny. I have seen how hard she works and how eager she is to be told what to do next so she’s not standing around. But a couple of girls that work with us all this week, has had an attitude with us here and there. they are supposed to be leaving after today, saying they aren’t making enough money to do the job. Which that just blew me away because I’m so grateful for the job I have with my boss and I know she needs reliable people, so when I came across Destiny’s post I could tell she was losing Hope in everything, and that was her last try to make it in this world. When I read her post I remembered exactly how I felt when I posted something like that. So I talked to my boss and told her the truth about her and her past and I begged her to just give her one chance, like she did with me. I also told her that I had a strong feeling about her and I fully believe 100% that the Lord gave me such strong feelings about someone, and the last person I felt that strongly about was Shawn and he turned out to be the hardest working man I have ever met in my life. And he never gave up on me. And something tells me Destiny needs a little hope back in her life. Hope everyone has a great night and I need some sleep for a little bit. Solara woke me up tonight and I couldn’t get back to sleep so I figured I would write.